Current mood: hopeful
Biggest symptom: lots of little kicks!
Weight gain so far: 8 lbs
Work has been SO busy this week which is why you haven’t heard from me much this week. And not only has work been super busy, but I honestly haven’t been in the best of moods. I have to be real with you guys, I haven’t even felt like being on social media or posting anything new. When I do get grumpy like this it kind of sucks for our current clients because I don’t post a lot in our community, which is a group that we use for coaching and motivation. But I have to be real with you all and just be honest about the fact that sometimes I just don’t want to be upbeat, or positive for that matter. You probably want to stop reading this already since I have been so negative, huh? :) So what has me all grumpy you ask?
Well, I had my anatomy scan last Friday. This is supposed to be a joyful and pleasant experience where parents-to-be get a peek inside mama’s belly and hear how good their little bean is doing….most of the time…. Let’s backtrack to my first pregnancy with Adam. At our 20 week anatomy scan I found out that he had some fluid on one of his kidneys, but that this was a ‘semi-common’ abnormality found in boys more so than girls, and that he could outgrow it before the time he was born. However, they sent me to MUSC to see a specialist a few weeks later. By that time the kidney fluid, also know as hydronephrosis, got worse. They also told me the other risk factors and disorders that could be related to this finding, which scared the living daylights out of me. They said I would be getting follow up ultrasounds and see a specialist after he was born because there was a decent possibility that he would need a surgery to remove an obstruction. He also would be put on antibiotics to prevent UTI’s. I was induced at 38 weeks due to low amniotic fluid, which is a side effect of a fetus with kidney issues. Adam ended up outgrowing this by the time he was about 6 months old, and it really shocked the pediatric nephrologist because the level of hydronephrosis was categorized as ‘severe’ in utero. But up until that point Adam had some uncomfortable testing (that required catheterization), and it was stressful on us all. However, I am oh so thankful that he’s ok today and perfectly healthy.
Back on my anatomy scan last Friday… well, they found BOTH kidneys to have mild fluid on them, right above the recommended level of 4mm. I was pretty disappointed, but I didn’t freak out. When the Dr. came in to review everything with us she didn’t even refer us to a specialist since it was only mild as of right now. She said we’d just do another u/s in 10 weeks and hope that he outgrew it, which is a good possibility. So I left there and at first didn’t think too much about it…… but then it festered….I started worrying about the same potential issues or related problems like I did when I was pregnant with Adam. I start googling crap like crazy and literally sent my mind into a tailspin. This is something one should NEVER do. Obviously some of the cases of what you read on the internet are horrific, and I should have known that, but it’s like I couldn’t help myself. I did this when I was pregnant with Adam for months, and it honestly put me into a depression. I hated the last half of my pregnancy and I simply wished the time away. I really do not want to do that this time around.
So I ask all my praying friends who are reading this to pray for me and my unborn baby boy as we progress through this pregnancy. Pray for his complete health, and my mental health :) as both are very important. Instead of letting my mind go to the very darkest places, I am visualizing my healthy baby boy with me and my family this summer.
As I mentioned earlier I have been so distracted that focusing on things that are usually very important to me have been difficult. Exercising is one of them. I have made sure to keep myself active because the endorphins that I produce from exercise are so important, especially when you are dealing with something hard in your life. It’s also been hard to put a lot of planning into what I eat. This week I didn’t put a lot of effort or care into our meals, so my nutrition wasn’t the best. I would LOVE advice from all of you on what you do to prevent worry and anxiety during a difficult time in your life. You see, the ‘fit chick’ doesn’t always have the answers :) … I know that exercise is like medicine for me, and I will continue to do it, but I want to keep that passion going strong and keep my mind positive, which isn’t always the easiest thing to do. So cheers to being real on how I am feeling, and moving toward a positive mindset. I appreciate all of your prayers for me and the baby, and any advice you all have on preventing anxiety.
Have a fabulous weekend friends!